Wala lang. I just wanted to shout (write) it out loud. The weekend is here at last! And I went to work the whole week! An achievement for me! Hehehe…
Friday, February 27, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Caffeine has finally settled in. my nerves have gone haywire. I just dropped everything I had, one after the other, like a comedic moment, like a comic relief. First my cell phone, then my umbrella, and finally my book. All the while making a ruckus in the quiet café I was sitting in.
My heart is now pumping fast. I feel a rush! Although what I’m feeling is just a fake one, a caffeine rush, this must be similar to how it feels when you do something passionate for. Hmmm? When will I feel that? When will I feel passion for something? Sure, I feel strongly for my loved ones, but sometimes I wonder what it feels like to be driven by a force so strong, it would be impossible to ignore it. I want to feel what Michael Jordan must have felt for basketball, or Tiger Woods for golf.
My job barely induces any emotion from me. I don’t have that many interests or advocacies. I wanted to support cancer groups a few years back (in memory of my mom) but I realized I still felt resentment towards cancer survivors. (boy, I thought I was over that) I’m into blogging and digital scrapbooking, but what I feel does not really reach the passionate level.
Hmmmm. Maybe that’s why my life has no direction. There is just no drive to do something and to strive to be good at it. I am just not moved by anything so strongly, that I would feel that life would not be complete if I were not doing it.
What am I good at? I am a nerd. I love books and yet I have piles and piles of unread books at home. I can barely remember the previous books that I did read. I’m a failure to all nerds in the world.
I got good grades when I was in school. I was a consistent dean’s lister in college, I graduated top 7 of my whole college batch. Yet I didn’t like accounting enough for me to pass the CPA board exam. I was good in both Math and English. Science too. That’s why as a child, I wasn’t really sure which path to take. I didn’t know what I wanted to be. What I was sure of is what I didn’t want to be. No medical courses for me. (the sight of blood or someone in pain makes me hyperventilate) nothing that involves public speaking or dealing with people either. (I was extremely shy, still am). I don’t want to sound ungrateful to my parents for having paid for my college education but I just hated accounting. I mentioned this once to my mom, and she looked really hurt. (she was the one who said I should take up accounting) I never mentioned it again, at least never out loud. But my heart knew the truth. Yet, here I am, working for 11 years in a bank, an officer of the accounting department no less.
Sometimes I feel bad, for not having the passion for accounting. I’ve seen colleagues who simply live and breathe accounting. My father is so proud of his accounting training, he attributes his money know-how to this. I, on the other hand, with no budget sense at all, up to my eyeballs with debt, and with 2 failed CPA board exams under my belt.
So I hate accounting, that much I am sure of now. What do I want? The answer to that one I’m not so sure.
I like to write. I wanted to take a writing course, still do. But I’m afraid that they will focus on creative writing, I’m more of an essay kinda girl. I’m afraid that creative writing entails a vivid imagination, mine has long since died, the right side of my brain has long since atrophied. I love reading stories, but I’ve never written a short story in my life. Maybe, I just never tried.
I like English. There was a time when I felt I was facing a fork in the road. I wanted to drop (escape) everything that has to do with accounting, and try teaching. I’ve been told time and again that it is never too late for a career change. As in I was seriously going back to school to earn a degree in education (actually that option is still on the table, being considered, not as seriously though) But then it dawned on me, I may not have the patience for teaching. I’ve heard it often referred to as a vocation. I may not be so noble. Or maybe I’m just afraid to waste years of my life with yet another mistake.
Often I regret that life is just passing me by. I’m not getting any younger. So what do I want? What do I want to do with such burning fervor? When will I get the guts? What makes my blood race and my heart skip a beat? When will I ever discern what I want to do with my life? When will I finally get to feel that celebrated PASSION?
Monday, February 23, 2009
Have you seen the news on TV? A 13 year old boy became a father when his 15 year old girlfriend gave birth to a bouncing baby girl. Baby-faced Alfie Patten and his girlfriend, Chantelle Steadman became parents to a 7lb 3 oz baby girl whom they named Maisie Roxanne. One good thing about this story is that the kids, barely into their teens, said that they never considered abortion. When they found out that Chantelle was pregnant, Alfie thought “it would be good to have a baby”. Being parents for only a couple of days, I don’t think the gravity of their predicament hasn’t dawned on them yet. When he was asked whether he knew how much diapers cost nowadays, he said he has no idea, but “ I think it’s a lot!”.
What is our world coming to? Yeah sure, during our grandparent’s time, they also married young. But those were different times. People were more responsible. They knew they were responsible for their actions and tried their darn best to establish their family through good ‘ole hard work. They didn’t stay home all day playing playstation.
Oh well. Life is funny like that. Some people are desperate to have babies. Some children are already having children of their own.
Friday, February 13, 2009
It’s Friday, the day before valentine’s day. I see guys and girls carrying bouquets for or from their loved ones. I overhear them talking about their valentine’s plans. I find myself envying them. Time was when I would eagerly go to work because I would expect delivered roses, or a surprise lunch date, or at least roses from hubby in the car… then a marriage happened, and then I find myself going for the practical route. I know how expensive flowers can be during this season, and how crowded restaurants can be. Sure, I still received flowers during the early years, but then (stupid me) I actually told hubby I wanted to be practical. so there were years when I opted to stay home with hubby. I reasoned we go on dates during regular non-valentine days anyway. No romance lost I guess.
Now, I find myself secretly hoping for something special this valentine’s. sure, budget is limited, it doesn’t have to be expensive, I just want something to mark it as a special night. It doesn’t have to be the usual dinner and movie kinda thing. I just want to do something out of the ordinary. It’s not that I’m bored already, it’s just that recently, hubby and I haven’t been spending as much time as we should. He has been so busy at work. I just want to reconnect with him. There’s no harm in wishing…(fingers crossed) =)
Thursday, February 12, 2009
True love causes pain.
Jesus, in order to give us the proof of his love, died on the cross.
A mother, in order to give birth to her baby, has to suffer.
If you really love one another, you will not be able to avoid making sacrifices. –Mother Teresa
So don’t go moping around feeling bad if your loved one causes you pain… if it hurts, endure it, it must be true love…. =)
We have a saying that nothing in the world is permanent, except for change. That is so true. You may be living quietly in your own little world, then all of a sudden, a force outside of your control shakes you up and life changing decisions are made for you. When this happens, you are actually facing a fork in the road. you may either throw a tantrum, be angry at the universe and rebel. Hate and blame everything that moves and breathes. Or you may take the high road, take everything as a challenge, take it as an opportunity for a clean start. Accept that change will be hard, but trust in a Higher Force that you are at the right place at the right time. Everything happens for a reason. Accept and be grateful.
Looking back, a lot of things about my life have changed this past year. Last year, I was moaning and groaning about how boring and stagnant my life was, how stuck I was in a rut, how I hated my job and how jealous I was of friends who had the guts to quit the rat race already. Now, a year after, I am an officer in a job I still hate (hehehe), but am now more grateful. God made me realize that there definitely IS a plan for me and my family. There is a reason why I was too scared to quit my job, why we weren’t able to submit our immigration application years ago, why the sale of our lot did not push through, and why we are still financially struggling. I realize now that I am exactly where God intended me to be, He has plans for me.
Change in our lives does not necessarily mean a bad thing. It just means that our plans are not aligned with God’s plans.
Be brave, take a deep breath and face CHANGE head on.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
“A penumbral eclipse of the Moon will occur on Feb. 9 and it will be visible in the Philippines,” Pagasa said in its monthly astronomical diary.
This is the second of the six eclipse events this year.
Pagasa said the eclipse begins when the Moon enters penumbra at 8:36 p.m. and ends the following morning at 12:39 a.m.
The astronomical event will also be observed in Alaska, Australia, eastern Asia, Hawaii, New Zealand and the western parts of Canada and the United States.
A penumbra refers to a partially shaded outer region of a shadow that an object casts. A penumbral eclipse occurs when the Moon passes through the faint penumbral portion of the Earth’s shadow, Pagasa said. - philstar.com
i eagerly waited for this phenomenon last night, along with my hubby and sister, but to our dismay, it was such a cloudy night! and around 8:40pm when the penumbral lunar eclipse was scheduled to start, the moon was totally covered by thick clouds! argh!
i was able to take this pic though around 8:35pm. the moon peaked a bit, and the nearby clouds are starting to reflect a yellowish color from the moon...
here's what i got off the internet:
Taking a photo a day is a big undertaking with big payoffs. Here are just a few reasons why you should consider doing it:
Imagine being able to look back at any day of your year and recall what you did, who you met, what you learned… (Often we find it hard to remember what we did just yesterday or even last night, let alone a whole year ago!)
Your year-long photo album will be an amazing way to document your travels and accomplishments, your haircuts and relationships. Time moves surprisingly fast.
Taking a photo a day will make you a better photographer. Using your camera every day will help you learn its limits. You will get better at composing your shots, you’ll start to care about lighting, and you’ll become more creative with your photography when you’re forced to come up with something new every single day.
Here are six tips on how to create your own Project 365:
Bring Your Camera Everywhere
Yes, everywhere. Get in the habit. Grocery stores, restaurants, parties, work, and school. Going to a movie theatre? Snap a pic of the flick with your phone–there are photo-ops everywhere. If you have one of those tiny tiny cameras, you have no excuse not to have it in your pocket all the time. And if you don’t? Camera phones are a great substitute.
Make Posting Easy
You can install blog software like Movable Type or Wordpress on your own site and create an entry for each photo, but for true ease of use, try a photo sharing site. Flickr will let you post a week’s worth of photos in 2 minutes flat, and fotolog and Photoblog.com are geared toward a photo-a-day workflow. Making it fast and easy means you’re much more likely to do it.
Vary Your Themes
Try to capture the day’s events in a single photo. Perform photographic experiments. Take a photo of someone new you meet, something you ate for the first time, or something you just learned how to do. Take a photo of something that made you smile. And don’t forget to take a photo of yourself at least once a month so you can remember how you’ve changed, too.
Tell a Story
Use your blog entry, or your photo description, to explain what’s going on in each day’s photograph. How good did that dinner taste? What made you want to take a photo of that stranger? It’ll help you remember down the road, and it gives friends following along a better appreciation of why you took the photo you did. You don’t need to write a lot, just enough to add some color.
Don’t Stop, No Matter What
This is perhaps the most important tip of all. You will get tired of taking a photo every single day. Some days, you will consider giving up. Don’t. The end result is worth the effort. Remind yourself why you wanted to do it in first place.
There will be times you’ll think there’s nothing interesting left to take a photo of, and times you’ll think you didn’t do anything exciting enough to take a photo of. There’s always a great photo to be made.
Get out of the house and take a walk. Or stay inside and look around. Take a photo of something important to you. Take a photo of the inside of your house so you can see how your taste has changed over the years. Take a photo of anything, just don’t stop.
N.b. It helps if you’ve told your friends about the project and asked them to follow along. Their encouragement will keep you going!
Post early, post often
Plan on going through and posting your photos at least once a week so you don’t get backlogged and feel overwhelmed. Ideally, post every day or two. Again, spend the time up front to make sure it’s quick and easy to post. It’ll make all the difference.