breast cancer

yesterday, i was watching tv and there was a feature on a woman whose grandmother died at 43 and mother died at 42, both because of breast cancer. she was told she had 80% of getting breast cancer herself. she is now a mother of two girls and she feared she would one day leave them too, when she succumbs to breast cancer... and so even she hasn't been diagnosed with cancer yet, she decided to have a mastectomy, the surgical removal of both breasts, to prevent any cancer tissue from popping up from there. a pretty radical step... but she felt it was necessary. sad...but realistic. my only thought was "what if it pops up somewhere else? like the ovary or the colon or heck, even the gums? cancer has always been traitorous killer... i'm sure she thought about this too, and she probably thought it was a risk worth taking, that she probably bought herself and her kids a couple more cancer-free years together... hmm.

why am i blabbering about this? mother's day is on sunday and so i am now thinking about my own mother, who also died nine years ago. breast cancer stole her from my my sis, my dad and me. i hate cancer. i used to hate cancer survivors as well, it was out of envy... why do you guys get to live while my mother didn't? i did spend a couple of years feeling only hate and sadness and regret in my heart. good thing though i got over that, with God's help of course. now i still hate cancer, but the cancer survivors are off my list. hehehe...

and so the million dollar question is... will i get cancer too? hmmmm... they say that women can now get tested for a gene mutation called BRCA1 and BRCA2. if you're positive, you'll most likely to get breast cancer. i wonder if they already have such testing here in the philippines, and if they do, do i have enough courage to have myself tested?

hmmm... just thinking out loud.

anyway, happy mother's day mimits. they say time heals all wounds... they lied.
i still miss you so much it hurts. i have so many things to ask you and share with you.
i still wake up crying whenever i dream of you, i cry because my dreams always end the same way, not even in my dreams can i keep you alive.
oh well... life's just like that i guess.